Part II: Raising a Healthy Infant & Toddler

Again, you.  🤣


(Click blue words for further info & sources)

A child's IQ potential is inherited from the mother but whether they reach their full potential depends entirely on their environment, both in the womb and in the first 3-5 years of life.  What happens to a child in this time can mean the difference between being a borderline gifted genius or a child with learning disabilities & severe behavioral problems.  Severe emotional neglect, malnutrition, head trauma, heavy metal toxicity & a lack of eye contact/verbal communication before age 3 can cause setbacks that last a lifetime.  (Milder degrees of these things cause less serious but still significant outcomes).  

Luckily these awful fates are easily prevented with a little knowledge & planning.  The brain grows faster & larger in the 1st three years of life than at any other time, thus this period sets the stage for everything that will follow, from academic achievement to social success to physical health & happiness (theirs AND yours).  Of course it all starts with taking care of YOU.  

*Note:  This is just an outline of some of the most important things to be aware of.  It's not a substitute for medical advice and is NOT intended to scare you or increase worry or pressure.  Just the opposite:  the more you know, the easier it will be to make healthy choices & decide WHICH risks are worth taking.  You'll most certainly do some of these things some of the time (drinking tap water with lead, giving baby more antibiotics than is optimal, etc) but the point is to know which things pose a threat so you can reduce OVERALL exposures.  The damage is cumulative, meaning it adds up over a lifetime.  But the early years are the most crucial to a child's development.  Personally I'd rather be concerned about these things so I could avoid them rather than not knowing and having to deal with the fallout after my child was rendered disabled but that's just me  :)

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The Postpartum Period

Items you'll need immediately after giving birth

Both mother and baby will face many joys & hurdles early in their journey together.   Here are a few of the most significant:

* Physical pain & other complications following childbirth.  As stated in the last article, the U.S. has the highest maternal death rate in the developed world.  Remaining vigilant & listening to your body during this time is absolutely crucial to preventing deadly outcomes.  Childbirth & pregnancy are a natural part of life & the human body is remarkably resilient.  Still, even if everything goes as planned, the post-birthing period can be wrought with pain & fatigue as your body heals from the most taxing thing it's ever been through.  This is true whether you give birth naturally or via C-section.  

To ensure the most complete & speedy recovery, give your body time to heal by getting plenty of physical rest.  While nighttime sleep may be interrupted by the baby's cries, sleep whenever you can to give yourself a chance to heal & recuperate.  Do not rush back to work or push yourself physically as doing so can lead to setbacks & dangerous complications.  Stay in touch with your OB during this time and follow all hospital discharge instructions carefully.  Take as many painkillers as you need in the early days to reduce inflammation (NSAIDs - ibuprofen, naproxen) and pain (Tylenol, opiates), and be kind to yourself emotionally.  Report any problems with incontinence, heavy bleeding, fever, weakness/dizziness or severe pain to your doctor immediately & call 9-1-1 if you experience severe or persistent symptoms like thunderclap headache, vision loss, hemorrhage, deep depression/hallucinations or symptoms of a heart attack or stroke.  Unfortunately these things are happening to more young women in the COVID era. 

* Post-Partum Depression.  People with a personal or family history of depression or bipolar disorder are at increased risk for PPD and PPP (Post-Partum Psychosis), with the latter only occurring in bipolar patients.  To reduce the risk or severity of symptoms, take your antidepressant/mood stabilizing medications as directed, reach out to the other parent & extended family for emotional support & help with the baby, make time for relaxing quiet activities you enjoy each day (even if only for 10-20 minutes), breastfeed if at all possible & try to keep as regular a sleep/wake schedule as you can, opening the curtains during the day to let in natural sunlight & making your bedroom dark, quiet & cool at night.  Breastfeeding releases oxytocin & prolactin which help boost feelings of well-being & closeness with the baby as well as helping the uterus contract back to its natural shape faster, reducing bleeding. 

Avoid falling asleep with the baby as this increases the risk for suffocation which is a leading cause of infant mortality.  An average of 64 babies die every year due to co-sleeping injuries.  After feeding, place them in their bassinet and quietly return to your bed.   Always place your baby on its back to sleep, never its sides or stomach.  This decreases the risk of SIDS--Sudden Infant Death Syndrome & accidental suffocation.  

Don't let the opinions or expectations of others weigh on you too heavily.  While everyone's entitled to an opinion, they're not entitled to a VOTE.  If you feel tearful, afraid, frustrated, alone or other emotions that are less than 100% glowing after giving birth, that's perfectly normal!  There's nothing glamorous about parenthood so do not beat yourself up for not being Mary Poppins.  There will be mistakes & bad days.  When you feel overwhelmed by the world, hop off social media, turn your phone on silent & just make time for you to focus on your health & your family for a while.  

But also:  If you feel down for longer than a week or two, don't isolate or hesitate to seek professional help, especially if you experience auditory or visual hallucinations or depression so severe you consider hurting yourself or the baby.  That degree of despair is NOT normal & can be dangerous.  Remind yourself that the whole experience won't be like this--hormones will level off, sleep schedules will even out, the crying & late night feedings will eventually stop, diapers will be a thing of the past & it'll all feel like a distant memory.  No matter how horrid you feel, it's temporary.  Do something, anything, to take your mind off it & pass the time until the feeling goes away.  Straighten up the house, pet the dogs, take a walk, call a (trusted, stable) friend or family member, sit in your car & scream.  As the saying goes:

"The days are long but the years are short."

For severe, impending thoughts of harming yourself or others, call 988 to talk to someone in your state immediately.  And remember:  No feeling is final.

* Feeding Issues.  Producing enough breastmilk, getting the baby to latch on, pumping on a schedule & other feeding issues are very common, especially for 1st-time moms.  Don't let it stress you out.  Demand that your job give you adequate time to accomplish these vital tasks.  Breastfeeding is beneficial for both mother and baby, reducing post-partum depression & breast/ovarian cancer risk, increasing bonding & post-pregnancy weight loss & passing vital immune antibodies to the child.  It's also much more affordable (read: free) & available pretty much on demand, unlike formula which couldn't be found on store shelves for most of 2021 in the States.

via the World Health Organization

Formula prevents starvation but does nothing to help baby build an immune system, which it's born without.  Breastfed babies are at lower risk of asthma & allergies, SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome), leukemia, Type I diabetes, obesity & infections like chronic ear infections & stomach bugs.  They generally have superior nutrition & IQ scores & fewer digestive problems.  T*son had so many ear infections he required tubes in his ears likely because he couldn't breastfeed due to his cleft palate.  He got 10x sicker than we did throughout his childhood, almost dying from routine illnesses like Chicken Pox.  

If you need to supplement w/ formula or another woman's breastmilk* occasionally, that's perfectly fine.  Just do your best.  Even breastfeeding for a few short weeks or months is better than not at all.  Your mental and physical wellbeing are #1 always. 

*Just make sure she doesn't have any bloodborne diseases like HIV, untreated tuberculosis, or Hepatitis B or C + bleeding nipples.  Your baby will likely be vaccinated against Hep B at birth so no worries there, and Hep C isn't passed through breast milk.  (Yes, even milk from a diseased woman is preferable to formula).  😬

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Immune Health/Limiting Illness

As stated, your baby will be born with essentially no immune system, making infection early on risky.  This is why vaccines & breastfeeding are so important, as both help to build immunity & provoke immune responses to various illnesses they'll encounter later on.  Prevention of illness is your best bet and always better than treating it after the fact.

* Taking too many antibiotics before age 5 increases the child's risk for obesity.  When taken before age 2, they increase the risk for serious diseases like Celiac Disease, food allergies, ADHD & eczema as well.  Avoid dangerous practices like putting your infant in close contact with sick people during cold/flu season or letting people with herpesviruses (cold sores) kiss them on the face which can be fatal in rare instances (most people have Herpes Simplex I so you should probably tell everyone not to kiss your newborn on the face).  The fewer illnesses, the less antibiotics and other medications the child will be exposed to & the healthier they'll be.

* Never feed a baby honey or foods containing it like graham crackers before age 1 due to botulism risk.

* Never give aspirin to a child with a fever or those recovering from the flu or another viral illness, as this can cause a rare but deadly condition known as Reye's Syndrome.  Other over-the-counter painkillers like children's Tylenol and ibuprofen are fine.

*  COVID has a similar effect on T-cells as HIV/AIDS, making them less effective at fighting things like infections and cancer for up to 6 months following infection, and less responsive to all vaccines.  Thus it's even more important to be careful not to expose your baby to too many people in its first weeks of life even if they don't "look sick" (COVID is most infectious right before illness sets in).  You can reduce their risk of catching a severe version from you by having those in your household get the vaccine and wear a mask after known exposures or when cases are high in your area.  Note:  COVID is far more infectious than flu or colds so these steps are necessary to keep the baby safe.

* Here's a list of more common, less severe illnesses your child might encounter as an infant or toddler.

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Heavy Metal - More Than a Musical Genre

Lead, mercury, arsenic & cadmium are heavy metals with a number of industrial uses.  They're also severely toxic to the neurons (brain cells) of humans and other living things.  There is NO safe amount of lead or mercury for anyone, especially a child with a small body & developing brain.  Aside from alcohol exposure in utero or oxygen deprivation at birth, these toxic metals are the biggest biological threat to your child's cognitive, developmental & emotional health.  Lead alone is responsible for 10% of all intellectual disability (retardation, learning disabilities) worldwide. 

Paint & gasoline are the biggest sources of lead exposure in the U.S.  We phased lead out of gasoline in the late '90s but it persists in the soil near highways & in inner cities where car exhaust emissions were highest.  Adding to the problem is the number of products, food and otherwise, that we import from China and other countries with almost no regulatory oversight.  Lead and other dangerous chemicals are frequently found at dangerous levels in items from these countries, so parents must be conscious of the things their children consume & play with.  Kids have a habit of putting things in their mouths which is the worst thing you can do with lead paint, which has a sweet taste that reinforces ingestion. 

Blood lead levels are inversely linked to IQ, with higher lead levels lowering IQ by predictable amounts.  Each 10ug/dl increase of lead in the blood decreases IQ by about 4.6 points, and a child may lose 7.4 whole IQ points on the journey from 1ug to 10ug/dl of lead, a relatively "low" level compared to the 50-60 ug/dl "acceptable limit" of the Baby Boomer era.  🤯  Now 3 ug/dl is the limit for kids, though there's no known safe amount. 

In addition to lowering IQ, lead poisoning also causes aggression, criminal/psychopathic behavior, hyperactivity, personality disorders & problems with judgment, thinking & planning that last a lifetime.  As stated these effects are not reversible so prevention is the only option.  In high enough doses it can also cause kidney damage & death.  

Metals in Food

95% of brands tested contained dangerous amounts of metals

As your baby gets old enough to graduate to solid food, stay up to date on items that contain dangerous contaminants like heavy metals which can cause irreversible brain damage.  Leading baby food brands including Gerber, Beech-Nut, Hain & Nurture were found to contain lead, cadmium, mercury & arsenic in dangerous amounts while 3 other brands refused to even provide samples for testing.  Organic brands made from brown rice are not thought to be any better and could contain even higher arsenic levels.  Thankfully there's no nutritional need for baby food, as you can feed your child soft table foods or make your own baby food in a blender once they're old enough to eat it.  

Other foods that should be avoided or eaten in moderation include fruit juice, rice & large predatory fish like swordfish, albacore tuna & shark as these contain metals like mercury in amounts that aren't safe for a developing child.  Check your pipes and avoid drinking from the tap while pregnant or nursing (or giving your child tap water) if your home contains old lead pipes, as they leach lead into the water.  Lead pipes are VERY common in houses in the U.S. & not all water filters that claim to remove lead actually do.  (See here for the reason). 

Metals in Dishware

Most painted dishes contain lead.  I literally had the upper left ones.  😫

Avoid cooking in or eating from the following types of dishes:

• Traditional glazed terra cotta (clay) dishware from Latin America
• Highly decorated fine china or porcelain
• Antique dishes made before 1971
• Homemade and hand-crafted tableware
• Dishes with bright colors or decorations on inside surfaces
• Dishes with decorations on top of the glaze instead of beneath it
• Glaze or decorations that have begun to wear away or corrode
• Glaze with dusty or chalky grey residue after washing
  
  If you have questions about a set of dishes in your home, 3M™ LeadCheck™ Swabs can help detect the presence of lead.  
  
  
  Metals in Toys, Jewelry & Other Consumer Products

Metals in Toys, Jewelry & Other Consumer Products

While lead is no longer used in paint in the U.S, it's still used in other countries like China where many of our toys, jewelry & cosmetics are produced.  Older hand-me-down toys, antiques & items purchased at garage sales, flea markets and thrift stores may very well contain lead-based paints & finishes, making them a danger to your child.  The best way to prevent lead exposure in kids' items is to only buy new toys made in the USA, Canada or the EU.  And always discourage your child from putting things in their mouths such as jewelry, toys or any painted item.

Lead Paint in the Home

Does your home contain lead-based paint?

Houses built before 1978 often contain lead-based paint.  This is a problem for children who are low to the ground and ingest lead paint via inhalation of dust & when they put sweet-tasting cracked/chipping paint in their mouths.  Certain surfaces that get a lot of wear-and-tear are more dangerous than others, such as:

• Windows and window sills;
• Doors and door frames; and
• Stairs, railings, banisters, and porches.
  
  Even if your home does contain lead paint, there are steps you can take to make it safer:
  
  1.) Inspect and keep all painted surfaces in excellent shape and clean up dust frequently with a wet cloth or paper towel.   
  
  2.)  Consult a certified lead professional before beginning renovation, repair or painting projects as these undertakings can create toxic lead dust when painted surfaces are disturbed or demolished.
  
    3.)  Avoid tracking lead dust into the home by wiping and removing shoes before entering the home and placing dust mats both inside and outside of entryways.
  
  4.)  Give your kid safe items like a pacifier & teething ring to discourage putting toys & other objects in their mouth, and supervise them as much as possible whether indoors or out.  While it won't prevent lead poisoning, ensuring good nutrition--particularly Vitamins C & calcium--also helps prevent lead absorption in the child if they do come into contact with it.  Another reason why breastfeeding is so important early on.  
  
  More tips can be found here.  
  
  
  
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Emotional Bonding, Learning & Memory

The number of words spoken to a child before age 3 is directly correlated to their IQ later in life.  More words = higher IQ.  Likewise, severe emotional neglect can cause severe mental retardation when it occurs early in life (see: the case of Genie Wiley, so-called "feral child" who was severely neglected and isolated for over a decade in her early life & rendered mute/retarded, her only vocabulary consisting of the words 'stopit' and 'nomore').  But even less severe neglect--inadequate eye contact, holding & responding to the baby's cries--can cause lasting damage. 

Babies cry not to annoy their parents but because it's their only means of alerting caregivers to a problem: hunger, dirty diaper, fever, sickness, fear, pain or other issues.  These are not tantrums or signs of brattiness/insolence, they're a literal cry for help by someone incapable of helping themselves.  Letting them "cry it out" is the most harmful thing you can do & teaches them only that they can't count on their caregiver when they need them.  While you can certainly spoil a toddler or older child, you can't "spoil" an infant by holding or soothing it too much.

To boost your baby's emotional & intellectual quotient, spend as much time as possible talking to and around them.  If you're on the phone, be in the room with your baby on the phone whenever possible.  Hold them, rock them, read to them, play games like Peek-A-Boo, listen to upbeat music & sing to them. Babies have mirror neurons in the brain and learn how to express emotions by seeing you model them, so be expressive.  Just watch your tone & temper, as you don't want to create an environment that's unpredictable & chaotic.  Loud, unexpected noises are how phobias are created.

As they get older, limit screen time, both in regards to TV & internet, but do let them watch fun educational shows like Sesame Street, Reading Rainbow & Mr. Rogers.  These shows were designed by child psychologists for poor & inner city toddlers whose parents had to work & lacked the time to connect with them, and they left a very positive impression on me in my early life when I had 0 contact with other kids.  Anything you enjoyed as a kid that was educational & somewhat age-appropriate is a safe bet.  Personally I wouldn't want my kid only watching mindless cartoons or things that shorten their attention span but it's up to you. 

And don't neglect reading to them when they're 22 months & older.  Sitting down & reading a book together is a great way to bond & help your child form a creative imagination & lifelong love of reading, plus it fosters a healthy attention span & ability to focus.

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A final note:  You are not perfect & will make mistakes.  Everyone does.  You'll get tired, fed up, frustrated & burnt out.  And then you'll get a second wind or they'll do something cute & it'll all feel worth it.  Rinse, repeat.  Good days, bad days, medium days.  Sleepless nights and nights plagued with worry.  It's all part of the package.  Just do your best to prepare ahead of time & ride the wave.   🌊

The saying "A baby changes everything" might be the understatement of the millennium but it's also highly accurate.  Everything gets more stressful and beautiful and harder & more rewarding and mostly different.  Your body, relationships & priorities change dramatically.  All you can do is go with the flow, being kind to yourself & communicating your needs and boundaries clearly, asking for what you need and never setting your expectations too high so you're not disappointed.  Just remember that the emotions and behaviors you model in front of your child even from a very early age will impact who they are, so do your best to maintain a calm and rational demeanor around him and do your crying/cussing/freaking out elsewhere.  

It's pretty darn cool to be able to raise a human however you want--to decide how lenient or strict you want to be and say "I do want them doing this/I don't want them participating in that," and "This is how we do things in OUR house."  To be able to share the books, movies, TV shows & other things you loved from your childhood with somebody else who's seeing it as a kid for the first time.  To mold someone from a mindless blob into a conscious, decision-making, voting member of society.  It's a huge responsibility but it's also a lot of fun and very rewarding, and I hope you enjoy every minute of the fun part.  

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Stay tuned for Part 3 when kid gets older (the final installment, lol) and watch this space for updates!